17 Months, 17 Days

Ella is the exact same age today that Amelia was when she had her hand surgery. I can't imagine having to spend the night at Scottish Rite tonight. I'm so thankful we will all be in our own beds. There are days when I wonder if I will "forget" about the surgery. I don't think about it every day, but I would probably say I think about it every few days. Of course I wouldn't change one thing about Amelia. She's my mini-me. I love the connections we've made with people through this and the connections we hope to make with others in the future. But tonight I'm thankful we were able to fellowship with our friends from our church's small group and then come home and put our babies to bed. At home. In their pjs and not a hospital gown. And then just chill and watch tv.

2 Years and 10 months

Tonight all I can think about is that I am so glad I'm not in a room at Scottish Rite nervously awaiting Amelia's surgery. Tonight I am glad we are home as a family. We are all sleeping in our own beds. I am thankful "cool hand" is a part of our everyday conversations. I am thankful I don't have to make another life-changing decision for my child and wonder if it will be the right choice. I'm thankful friendships were made because of this. I'm thankful. But I am mindful about other children and their families going through this heart-wrenching process. So I said a prayer for them tonight. I've been there, and quite frankly, I don't ever want to go back. On this 2 year anniversary-eve of her surgery, I still thank God for perfect little Amelia. She is the light of my life.

It is extremely difficult to get a picture of Ella these days. She never stops moving, so I had to borrow one from a couple of weeks ago. She's my kid that is in to everything. Before we know it, I'm sure she'll be jumping off the furniture, playing in the potty, and have climbed up the stairs while I'm not looking. We are her human jungle gym and trampoline. She occasionally stands on her own, but she definitely prefers to hold on tight. She holds her bottle sitting up for fear of missing something that might be going on around her. She is still a really good eater. Duh, right? She hates carrots, loves fruit, and can put away some Chic Fil A. She is wearing 12-18 month clothes and even wore an outfit out of Amelia's closet the other day. She kisses, she hugs (on her own terms of course), and can make you fall in love with her in about 2 seconds. She screams dadada and mamama about 7 zillion times a day. She reaches for us and definitely has a preference of who she wants to be with. She's napping twice a day and sleeping great at night. I love this girl so much I feel like my heart will explode!

September 10: A Year Later

Dear Amelia,
A year ago today, your dad and I did one of the most difficult things a parent will ever do--we handed you over to a team of doctors who changed your life. It was a decision that was very difficult for us, and we wouldn't even know if it was the best thing for you until several months later. A year ago today, I, as your mom, prayed that we had made the right decision. I prayed that you would never resent us for making the decision for you. A year ago today, I helplessly waited in a waiting room for your doctor to tell me you were ok. Those were the longest hours of my life. A year ago today, when I saw your bandaged body and held you, I thought I never wanted to let you go. I wanted to protect you from the world. But you are truly amazing. You are resilient. You surprise me every day with what you can do.

So, here we are a year later. You say things like, "Silly cool hand," and "Cool hand's turn." Those phrases are so common in our everyday conversation. You have embraced your difference. We have embraced your difference. We know, without a doubt, that the decision we made was the right one. Sure, it's been hard, but we are reminded often that you are so fortunate. Please remember that you can do anything you set your mind to do. Thank you for teaching me to look beyond other peoples' differences. I am so thankful God chose me and your dad to be your parents. I wouldn't have you any other way.

Gym Rat

Amelia is still loving going to My Gym. I finally remembered to take my camera today. In the second pic, she is holding on ALL BY HERSELF, which shows me that her left hand is getting stronger all the time.

A Thumbs Up for Hands Down

We attended our first Hands Down get-together with our new Scottish Rite friends with hand differences, AKA cool hands, today. Let me just say that whenever some boys get in this group they will all have some cute girls to choose from! I think there were about 5 families that attended, and all the girls had names starting with the letter A. Amelia made some new friends, pictured above, Ava and Avery. We look forward to getting to know these families better throughout the next several months.

Six Months Later...

It is truly hard to believe that six months ago today Amelia was in surgery. I am so thankful that I am not feeling the anxiousness and worry today that I was feeling six months ago.

I've never really posted any close-up before and after pictures of her hands. She obviously has some scarring which will continue to fade as she gets older. We are so grateful God provided us with amazing surgeons who gave Amelia a new and improved hand!

Moving Her Thumb

Sorry about the very poor quality of this video, but Amelia moved her thumb a ton tonight. She's been moving it for a while, but tonight was the first time when I told her to move it that she did. I still have to hold her other three fingers. It is just one of the most amazing things to me. Enjoy!

Confessions of a Blog Stalker, Part 2

Most of you know that the main reason I started this blog was to keep our family and friends infomed about the everyday happenings in our lives, plus I was being bullied by others to start a blog. Kidding. Another reason was because I hoped that one day someone would find my blog because they had a child going through a similar situation as Amelia. I am so excited to say that this has finally happened! Of course, I never wanted another family to have to experience the same grief and sadness we did when Amelia was diagnosed with Radial Dysplasia, but I was hoping that I could be a resource to anyone that might need me. So, if anyone else finds me one day, please know that I would love to have you contact me. You are not alone.

A Girl Can Only Dream

I hope I am not crushing her dreams by saying this, but I am pretty sure she isn't going to have a future in the WNBA. I think the term "Vertically Challenged" sums it all up around here.

Just wanted everyone to see too how nicely the progress is going 11 weeks post-surgery.

Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving...

And I am truly feeling blessed. A friend pointed out this evening how amazing it is that our family lives in Dallas with immediate access to all of the great doctors we have recently encountered due to Amelia's condition. I was quick to point out that although I wouldn't have chosen my life to be this way, I truly feel like God definitely put us in this spot. So many families in similar situations have to travel many miles to receive medical care.

So as I reflect on the past 11 weeks, I am so, so thankful for my precious daughter, my husband, my supportive family, and our friends. Amelia is doing amazing. She is healing well and is beginning to move her thumb. And although the scars are still there to remind me of the journey she began just a short time ago, she is a normal, healthy 19 month old.

I can finally say,"Who cares."

Extreme Makeover--Amelia Edition

So, here they are...pictures of Amelia's new thumb! She looks very sad in the picture below with our surgeon, Dr. Ezaki, but trust me, Amelia was so excited about getting her cast off. She was so brave and once again sat incredibly still during the unwrapping. The physician's assistant was in the middle of rigging up something to keep the cast on one more week, but Dr. Ezaki came to the rescue and agreed that one week really wouldn't make a difference. Plus everyone assumed the pin had fallen out and there was no point in waiting one more week. It was buried in all of the gauze in the first cast. She has a rockin' new purple splint that daddy says brings out the blue in her eyes. It's all about keeping things fashionable around our house!

Confessions of a Blog Stalker

I've been doing a lot of thinking during the past few days about the word "perfect." I think these thoughts can be attributed to everything that has been going through my mind with Amelia. I really try to keep this blog lighthearted and I really don't want everything I write to be about her. But that is my life, so bear with me people without kids and those of you that cry easily.

I had an enlightening conversation with another parent who has 2 children with radial dysplasia last night on the phone. She gave me a lot of insight about coping with a child with a disability, otherwise termed a "hand difference." To sum it up, I have come to the conclusion that I am in need of an attitude adjustment. Because truthfully how Amelia will perceive herself in the years to come all boils down to my attitude about how I handle her difference.

When she was born, I felt she was imperfect. That is a very hard thing to admit. But really no one in this world is perfect. We all have issues that we deal with on a daily basis. We are all embarassed about something. But what if we just accepted these things and said, "So what." So what that I have a huge zit today on my forehead. So what if my second toe is longer than my big toe. So what that I can't see without glasses. You get the picture.

I don't expect that I will be able to say "So what" immediately. Every day I am working through this. God chose me to be her mom for a reason. And God chose us to be in this world even though we don't see ourselves as perfect. Because to Him everyone is perfect.

And yes, Amelia was playing with a wisk when this picture was taken (before surgery). She's easily entertained.

Already Helping Others In Need

Just another quick update on Amelia. The picture below is shortly after her surgery. Her entire hand is covered so her cast looks like a club. Hence the name "weapon of mass destruction." One of the physicians who assisted in her surgery approached us yesterday about the possibility of using a part of the nerve in her thumb they removed to help aid them in research of abnormal nerves in childrens' fingers that grow unusually large. They want to study the DNA from both types of nerves. It was strange to hear that Amelia had a normal nerve in her abnormal thumb, but once again God is revealing his purpose to us in this situation. Of course our response was "ABSOLUTELY!" We are so blessed with the team of doctors we worked with and their excellent care of our baby.

And another blessing--Amelia stood up by herself today when we got home and walked around the living room. It just proves to us how resilient she truly is. All we can ask for now is that she is able to get full range of motion of her new thumb (her former index finger) so that she can use her hand to its fullest potential. Thanks again for the calls, visits, prayers, and food. We feel so blessed.

"For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

We Are Home!

We are home and Amelia is doing well. She is such a trooper, and the saying "It's harder on the parents than the child" is definitely true. We are so so appreciative of all your prayers and thoughts during the past few days. Everything seems like such a dream since we had such short notice. I will post more later and hopefully have a couple of pictures. Please know that if Brad or I have a black eye or bloody nose in any of them it is because Amelia has beat us with her "weapon of mass destruction" as we like to call it and we don't hold it against her.